Day 4: Most Treasured Item
This is Carpenter's teddy. Nurse Jen gave it to us in the hospital. Starting that day, wherever I went, that bear went with me. It was as if I was able to take Carpenter with me. I slept with this bear every night, and if I got up for something, Mike took over bear-care. I gave this bear all of my kisses and hugs because I had no one else little to snuggle. My arms would have been totally empty if not for this bear, which got me through the worst times. After many months we decided that a great way for Liv to connect with her brother would be to play with his things. Now Carpenter's teddy is in Liv's toy bin, and gets played with every day. And one day she will understand when we tell her, "This is your brother's bear." a
Day 3: Self Portrait, Post Loss
This is the exact day I delivered Carpenter, just a few hours before he came into the world silently. I don't know why, but I was taking a few pictures around the room, and decided to turn the camera on myself. I'm swollen and puffy from crying and being on fluids for days. I hesitated to post this picture, because I feel so ugly. But it was an ugly moment, so this photo is as honest as I could possibly be. I was destroyed, lost, broken and ugly. And still some days I feel just like this photo. This is my grief.
Day 2 of CarlyMarie's
photo challenge: Self-portrait pre-loss.
This is me the weekend I
found out I was pregnant with Carpenter. We had a photographer do
pictures of our whole family (siblings, kids, parents, etc) and we had a
fabulous time. This is one of very few
family portraits that includes Carpenter. I realize today I will never
have a picture that includes my whole family now that Little M is here.
I will never see my whole family together. Would that I could regain
the innocence captured in this picture. Just four happy people, who
knew nothing would ever hurt them. Until it did. This is my grief.
Note: Day 1 was skipped. The theme was "sunrise" and as it's been pouring for two days straight, that's not been an option. :)
