I just had what I call a "trigger episode" in Target, and I wanted to write this down before the feeling went away. I call it a "trigger episode" because I see a grief-trigger, and my body responds physically. I saw a woman, my age, standing in the entryway. When she moved, I saw she had been perfectly blocking a stroller--a triplet stroller--full of newborns. And here's what I felt, physically.
My heart sinking
The urge to sob
The inability to sob
Weakness in my arms
The urge to sink to the floor and lie down
When I saw her later, walking with her husband and babies, I literally looked at them, yanked my cart around (with Liv in it) and sped off in the other direction. It's been twenty minutes since I got home and I'm still weak in the knees. But I wanted to write this down quickly (haphazardly) while I knew I could accurately explain it. Because sometimes I worry that people think this is all in my head.