Wednesday, September 12, 2012


So yesterday my doctor brought me in for a blood test to check my HCG and Progesterone levels.  (Again, because I have a doctor who cares about us BLMs, and is going to be vigilant!)  My HCG levels are good--apparently good enough to be on par with "normal" pregnancies at 6 weeks.  Of course, this makes me wonder if we're just super-healthy or if we're having twins.  

No, Mike, I don't really think we are.  

But my Progesterone is a little low.  "Normal" is in the low 20s and I'm at 16.  No, I don't have units of measure, mathy friends.  I'm just 5-10 *somethings* low, and I know that's no good.  To remedy this, my doctor has prescribed Progesterone supplements, and because I'm only a little low, I have to administer the hormone myself.  

It's a suppository.  

No, not that kind of suppository.  Don't be gross.  Okay, it's still gross.

But it's all for the babies around this professional-mom's house, so I sucked it up.  Progesterone supplements could be the difference in a healthy baby or another child to mourn.  So, I will now chronicle my adventure.  I guarantee you, this is not for the feint of heart, or really anyone who is not TTC or PG after loss.  Keep your innocence people.  I wish I had mine.

First of all, these hormones are not sold at CVS.  They are compounded.  This is just a fancy way of explaining that they are made locally in the most remote and hard-to-find pharmacy around.  I drove through the parking lot three times before finally calling the pharmacy for help.  I parked in what seemed to be a condo lot and finally found the directional sign.  Dragging a 30-pound child around (who refuses to walk) made this much more interesting.  I open the door  with the tiny, almost-illegible sign and walk into the creepy "vestibule" which was only about 3x3'.  Another door, and a creepy, steep set of stairs.  Oh, great.  Let's haul Liv up a flight or two.  Anyway, I got there and gave my name.  

My joke of "bet you don't get a lot of handicapped patients" was met with silence. 

But here's the next thing no one told me.  Progesterone is pricey.  Like, get a second job pricey.  Nah, not really, but still, anything over $5 seems excessive to me, and this was WAY over $5.  For a one-month prescription, I am now out fifty-five dollars.  But it's for the babies.  Let's stay focused.  

Before I go further, I will now implore you to follow my advice.  In every circumstance, no matter how silly you might feel, if a pharmacy tech asks you if you have questions, ask a question.  Any question.  Don't walk out of the remote, creepy pharmacy without knowing absolutely everything there is to know about what's about to be in your body.  Please.

I did not take this advice.

All I knew going in was that the hormones were supposed to be refrigerated and applied at night.  Here is what I wish I had known:  First, Progesterone suppositories look like little bullets.  Little white bullets that look kind of like hardened lotion.  That is ALL.  What I got was the bullet, still in what I have to guess is a plastic mold.  I stared at that mold for an hour, imploring Google to answer the question I refused to word aloud: "Do I take the plastic off?"  You do take the plastic off.  Not that Dr. Google was any help.  I went with a more guess-and-check style of medicine there, and it paid off. 

So, white bullet in hand, I was still a little cloudy on what came next.  This is where I again kicked myself for not talking to the pharmacist.  Because, and no one had told me, most people get an applicator with their expensive medication.  

I did not.

So there I am with just me and the bullet and a wish and a prayer.  

I inserted it, like a tampon, to a point at which I thought, "that's going to be fine."  Not fine.  The bullet fell right out.  Do it again.  Same result.  Third time?  I ran for the bed and tossed myself on before gravity could do its work.  Um...gravity doesn't have a time-delay.  So I spent the rest of the night lying in bed, afraid to move a muscle for fear of losing the white bullet.  Not moving a muscle.  I couldn't even sleep!  Mike adjusted my pillows, tossed a blanket on me and handed me my cell phone before sawing logs.  And I did not move for hours.  


Around midnight, I realized I had not taken my prenatal vitamins, and fear lost out to a need for folic acid.  It's all for the babies, remember?  I got up and went to the bathroom, expecting a fountain of medicine to start trickling out (because the one warning I had gotten was to pick up some panty-liners).  Nothing.  The one warning I was given and nothing happened.  I think my body is just weird.  

Anyway, I did eventually fall asleep and woke up feeling perfectly normal.  No gross stickiness as I had been told.  Just normal, if a little tired and irritated from dealing with Night #1 of Progesterone therapy.  

Night #1.  With no guarantee of how many nights there are to come.

Ugh.  But it's all for the babies.


  1. You are too funny!! I have been on progesterone the shots and also the suppositories. The shots are awful so count your blessings. ;) The 'bullets' (lol) are kinda icky but a necessary evil, just like you say. I had an applicator, much the ones that come with the yeast infection medications at CVS. Pick up one of those so you can get the bullet closer to your cervix and definitely get some panty liners, just in case.

    What's really funny is that you say, "Of course, this makes me wonder if we're just super-healthy or if we're having twins. No, Mike, I don't really think we are." And then the rest of the post says it's all for the babies. Babies, plural. Lol!! Women's intuition???

    Love ya!!

  2. I have NO idea what you're talking about with the twins-talk. *Wink!* I will head over to CVS to buy an applicator, which will most likely end up being a blog post in itself!