Thursday, January 17, 2013

23 Weeks

Well, here we are.  We've finally reached our milestone week.  Today I'm 23 weeks pregnant with Matthew.  Carpenter was born at 23/6.  My friend just asked me how I feel.  And the truth is

I have no idea.

I guess that's not entirely accurate.  I guess a better way to describe this feeling is confusion.  I'm really confused.  I feel lost and scared and confused.  All week, it seems, my husband has been coming home to a stressed out woman who can't explain herself.  Every little thing sets me off.  Liv has been sick and therefore whiny, but that's not it.  This is worse than a SAHM reaction to the terrible twos.  

Basically, it's a fear that, while I know this is a different pregnancy, I might get the same result.  And this week has a big sign hanging over it reading, "Warning!  Possible Road Closure Ahead."  

The weather is really not helping.  I woke up this morning to a friend announcing an impending snowstorm.  And it hit me.  If it snows today, well, that will be bad.  Because the last snow storm we had was on the day I delivered Carpenter.  I hate snow.  And now it's a potential bad omen.  

Maybe that's what part of this confusion is.  I'm looking around insanely for clues in the cosmos, the clouds, in numerology, in my Alphabits...anything to tell me whether or not we'll make it through this week.  I'm grasping at straws, guessing my way through the fear.  

Of course, this is why I pay my OB the big bucks.  He walked into my OB appointment and said, "Would you rather hear a heartbeat, or see a heartbeat?"  

I love that man.

So while I'm sitting here freaking out over the winter weather moving in, at least I have one bit of comfort to get me through the first day of Hell Week:

A gorgeous picture of my handsome son.  

As my doctor said, "Maybe this will help you get one or two nights sleep this week." 

Here's hoping.

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