Confession

I've got to get something off my chest.  It's time to confess.

I have gestational diabetes.

And I'm sure that statement just received one of the following responses in your mind.  1.)  "Boring.  I thought it would be something interesting."  or 2.) "She should have taken better care of herself."

Well, I hope you're not all sitting there judging me, but damned if I haven't been judging myself for the past week.  I actually sobbed when I got the call telling me I need to see a nutritionist.  No, I don't have to take insulin.  It's not bad at all, really...I only failed my three-hour glucola test by a few points.  But I do have to change my diet.  

At first, I was overwhelmed by the shame of it all, which is exactly why I haven't shared this until now.  Diabetes (except Type 1) often comes with a connotation that you've not taken care of yourself.  You've eaten yourself into this problem.  But that's not true at all.  And that's why I'm finally willing to talk about it.  It just took a week of self-loathing to get to this point.

Fun little factoid: those progesterone shots I've been receiving for months...they're insulin-blockers.  So every time I got another shot, I increased my chances of developing GDM.  Apparently women who get progesterone supplements are 4 times as likely to end up right where I am.  

And this is just one more damn thing I've developed during this pregnancy.  

My nurse told me the other day how ironic it is that I have freaked out about this so badly when it's the one thing in this pregnancy I've actually been able to control.  Yes, you might think I should be panicking about my titer levels, or the fact that my progesterone won't ever increase naturally, but no.  I've decided to throw a fit about carbs.  (Of course, Oreos being carbs, you can see how I could lose it over that alone.) 

Sweet irony always being by my side, my last blood test showed my progesterone was skyrocketing since I've changed my diet.  I've delved into research, trying to find one person who has proven that a low-carb diet naturally increases progesterone, but there's nothing there.  But how uncanny would it be if the progesterone caused the GDM, and the GDM diet cured the low progesterone, and not having the shots cured the GDM?  Oh, sweet dreams of dancing cupcakes.  But doubtful.  

So for the next 8 weeks, I'm on a low-carb, high-roughage and protein diet.  I mean, I love protein and roughage, so it's not a big deal.  The big deal is that I have to test my blood sugar four times a day.  And we all know how Annie deals with needles.

No, there's nothing at all fun about stabbing yourself in the fingers four times a day, then squeezing out enough blood (apparently I have calloused fingers) to test.  Nothing at all.  But so far, I'm doing a fantastic job.  I've even managed to safely eat one or two Oreos.  

So for those of my sisters who fear the great GDM (with good reason!), I'm here to tell you, it's not the worst thing in the world.  No, it's not shameful.  No, you didn't bring this on yourself.  No, it's not horrible to manage.  Let's just all remember the mantra of the hopeful-rainbow-pregnancy:  

It's all for the babies.

This kid so owes me.