Wednesday, May 9, 2012

ALL Mothers' Day

Listen up people.  I have some proclaiming to do today.  This Sunday is not the official Mother's-Day-to-Mothers-of-Living-Children.  This Sunday is just plain ole Mother's Day.  That's it.  I've said it.  And I seriously shouldn't have to. 

I've seen some Facebook posts floating around about how bereaved mothers started this holiday.  From what I can find online, Mother's Day is actually a celebration mostly based on Christians celebrating Mary, the mother of Jesus.  It's THAT old.  (And since her son died, I guess they were technically right with the "bereaved" part.)  But there have never been any rules or regulations about this day.  Here, I'm totally going to do it.  I'm going to share the definition of "mother."

a. A female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child.
b. A female person whose egg unites with a sperm, resulting in the conception of a child.
c. A woman who adopts a child.
d. A woman who raises a child.

That's ME!  And about a trillion other women (give or take 'cause I'm bad with numbers).

Last night I got a call from a friend and I asked her what she was doing for Mother's Day.  She started in about going to see her mom and then her mother-in-law and how they liked to have family dinners and blah blah.  So I said, "No, no.  What are you doing to celebrate your own Mother's Day?"  And she tragically said, "Nothing."  Her miscarriage was in December, right around Christmas, so I know she got screwed out of one holiday.  So I asked why.  I asked her if she feels like a mother to an angel, and she said yes.  But, she said, no one else thinks of her that way. 

You see, there's the big issue.  The rest of the world doesn't open their arms and say "Welcome Angel-Mommies."  There are no Hallmark cards for us.  It took me twenty minutes and two different stores to find a Mother's Day card that didn't say "to my Mom" on it.  Of course, the rest of the world also doesn't protest the angel-mommies who celebrate Mother's Day, either.  Because we are moms, and there's no denying it.  We are just the under-represented.  And whose fault is that?  Well, obviously some blame lies on either side of this, but I'll take some responsibility.

Why don't they have Hallmark cards for us?  Possibly because no one has written any.  No one knows what we want to hear on this tough holiday.  So I started making my own cards.  And I'll be damned if I won't send them in to Hallmark!  Why don't people wish us Happy Mother's Day?  Two reasons.  Maybe we haven't told them about our angels.  Our fault.  Let's shout our babies' lives from the rooftops!  Every other mother does!  Or maybe people don't wish us Happy Mother's day because they don't know how we'll react.  I'd say a good way to spread the message would be to celebrate each other! 

And let's start there.  Let's start by remembering the other angel-mommies in our lives.  I know in the past year, two of my best friends also lost babies.  I know we all know lots of members of our sad little team.  And the only way to receive love is to put it out there into the universe.  So, this Mother's Day, buy a blank card and write a very nice message inside.  Give an angel-mommy some memento of her angel-baby.  Hell, just tell these women you remember that THEY HAVE A CHILD.  But please, don't overlook us.  Don't overlook each other.  Only then will we all have a truly Happy Mother's Day. 


  1. Annie... i love this. because i feel the burden of mother's day coming, fearing that people wont know how to go about such a special day for the mother's who don't get to hold their children... like me. like you. like so many others we've met and have yet to meet. WE ARE MOTHER'S... we should be celebrated! So we should celebrate each other at least! lets do it!

    1. -i will be writing about mother's day in my blog too...

  2. Jenn, thanks so much for reading! I'm looking forward to your post as well! I'm glad you agree. I already sent my husband a list of things he can get me. :) I'm also thinking about taking my awareness ribbons to my church and handing them out to anyone who wants just to show them that we know angel-mommies are mommies too!

  3. Hi Annie, They do have a card at Hallmark but they certainly don't carry many of them. A store will get maybe 4 out of 1,000 other ones they receive. I worked at Hallmark for 7 years. My daughter has just become the manager of the store she works in. I just called her to make sure and there is one for loss of child on Mother's Day. But I agree with you 100% because people have a tendency to stay away from your loss. They don't want to talk about it in fear of hurting you yet the opposite is true. You want/need to talk about it, it needs to be acknowledged. ((HUGS))

  4. Debby, thank you so much for letting us know about the Hallmark cards. Of course...they have a card for everything! It's so nice finding friends who understand. Thank you!