I haven't answered my phone in about two days. No texts, no emails. I've tried to unplug and hide.
I got some bad news this week.
Thursday, about 7 hours before Mike was supposed to come home after a
week-long conference, I got a call from my nurse. They had done my
standard OB blood panel on Monday, and she had just gotten the
she said, my Progesterone is not looking good. It's not climbing.
It's not even staying the same. It's dropping. So now the dreaded
suppositories are gone, and I have to move up. Two shots, every Tuesday
and Friday, right in the butt.
And that was the good news.
wanted me to come in to talk about the second part. She really needed
me to understand, and this was going to be hard to hear.
have Antibody-D. No, I don't expect gasps of instant understanding.
Let me explain. I have a negative blood type. If you're Rh-negative
and pregnant, you have to get a shot during pregnancy that you're told
"will keep your baby safe." That's all they really say. So I never
really thought anything about it.
shot apparently keeps you from ending up with antibody-D. But I got
it, most likely from delivering my daughter. Her blood mixed with mine,
and since she's a positive blood type, my body saw her blood as an
attack and developed antibodies to attack it. This is called
In four weeks, they will test my blood again, and count the antibodies. If they keep multiplying, I have Rh-disease.
causes anemia in the baby. The mother's blood attacks the baby's, and
destroys the red blood cells. So they have to do an amnio to find out
the baby's blood type, then do more amnios to keep an eye on the red
blood count. If it gets bad, the baby gets blood transfusions.
(How the hell do you give a baby a blood transfusion in-utero?)
this is what killed Carpenter (which we may never know), there is an
80% chance this will happen to Little M. Eighty percent.
possible this is what killed my son. It is possible I don't have
anything wrong with me. But either way, I cannot retest for four
weeks. I have to live with this information for a month, and there's
nothing I can do about it.
call uncle. But since I know the world isn't going to let up any time
soon, I'm just going to crawl into bed now and pretend everything is
okay until the sun comes up.